Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
