Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
