Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
