I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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