its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
