i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
