I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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