Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
