I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
