your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize