I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
