Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
