I looked at my own cervix.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
