Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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