No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
