get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
