while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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