and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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