You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
