ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
