Having a random hookup so left but love u
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
