my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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