HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
