You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
