How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
