Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
