1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
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I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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