i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
