Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
