Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
