Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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