well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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