the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
