She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
