OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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