I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
