He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
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Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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