Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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