Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
operation have a gay friend backfired
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
