That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
