You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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