Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
