She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
my poor anus
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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