I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
