is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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