Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
