i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
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It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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