think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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