Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
