Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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