dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
