You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
