my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
