So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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