If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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