Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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