i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
do herpes really smell.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
