Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
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HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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