Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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