We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
