At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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