Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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