That's intense
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
