I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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