I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
