At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
