Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
