i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
handjob tips. give me some.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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